I'm Not Retarded
- Mark Gallagher: I'm not retarded, but I eat hot dogs all the time because I like to say "Hot Dogs".
- Ian von Steffen: I'm not retarded, but my high fives are always moist.
- Alynn Allman: I'm not retarded but when prompted I say stupid stuff in public!
- Justin P. Drew: I'm not retarded, but my mother makes me wear flame-retardant pants.
- Ian von Steffen: I'm not retarded, but I clap and smile when my meal arrives at a restaurant.
- Justin P. Drew: I'm not retarded, but the shunt in my head disagrees.
- Ian von Steffen: I'm not retarded, but I think Mitt Romney is handsome in a shiny way.
- Justin P. Drew: I'm not retarded, but whenever they drain the fluid it sounds like whistling.
- Alynn Allman: I'm not retarded but I thing grated cheese could be the new hair replacement system!
- Justin P. Drew: I'm not retarded but my mother locks me in my room and cries all the way down the stairs.
- Alynn Allman: I'm not retarded but my left nipple is.
- Justin P. Drew: I'm not retarded but my father comes home reeking of alcohol as a catcher's mitt sits in my toybox unused.
- Alynn Allman: I'm not retarded but the color blue smells like pickles.
- Alynn Allman: I'm not retarded but my letters to elvis written in maple syrup are.
- Justin P. Drew: I'm not retarded but my parents argue all the time and "I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T WANT TO KEEP IT!" "HE'S NOT AN 'IT' SAM HE'S YOUR SON!"
- Ian von Steffen: I'm not retarded, but I won't eat this meal until it is smile shaped.
- Justin P. Drew: I'm not retardededededed but GOD WHY DID YOU MAKE ME THIS HAVE YOU NO SENSE OF DIGNITY OR MERCY WHY CAN'T I EXPRESS THE FEELINGS I FEEL
- Ian von Steffen: I'm not retarded, but I can type seven words per minute with my face.
- Mark Gallagher: I'm not retarded but I smile when I frown.
- Justin P. Drew: I might be retarded.
